darkness

there is a different kind of darkness than the pre-dawn hours of waiting in prayer. it is the kind of darkness that i live these days.

without any outlet, deeper things have become obscure, hidden. The things of God in me are underground.

i am spent, yet somehow spending more every day, giving until words become mush in my mouth, reaching past the level of verbal communication, into gesture and eye contact in order to instruct and inform. language only helps sometimes. i reach for my Mother Tongue, in desperation.

my prayer tonight is very basic….

God of Heaven,
help us to be like children, who do not apologize for themselves, yet still unabashedly crave, in spite of themselves, purity: pure love, pure affection, honesty. help us each to forget what hurts, and submit to being poured out.

help me, Oh My God, to see you for the Love that you Are, instead of striving for my own perfection. i look upon the suffering of seemingly innocent children every day, and yet you see me so much clearer than i understand them. if in my imperfect love, you regard me with more concern than i can imagine, then how could i ever hold back from you?

take it all, i want to die for you.