my coffee this morning is exceptionally smooth. i’m still running off of the relative smoothness of yesterday too, replaying those small victories in my mind and smiling, hoping that momentum will push me through today. i’m also hoping my failures will not doom me once more to small, tedious, uphill battles. but you know what? this morning is a brand new morning, and it’s time to start new again. the bright white sky invites me to fully live the day as it comes to me, not languishing in yesterday or waiting around for tomorrow, either.
i lit a candle to slow me down; it’s soft yellow flicker ebbing and waning like the tide of the ocean; it is a visual reminder of the rhythm of the soul- which is so unlike the harsh, fast-paced world i have to go into in a few minutes.
here are some good instructions from the manual: to put off my old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, and to be made new in the attitude of my mind– to put on the new self which is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness… this is my first task (ephesians 4,5). to rid myself of bitterness, rage, slander, to give thanksgiving instead of coursely, sarcastically joking is also needed. my old self would have me glory in what God did yesterday to bring me through, or wallow in my past mistakes- to approach this day in a foggy haze, not knowing who i am or where i am going.
however, thanks be to God, my new self seizes this new day. like a child, full of hope and wonder at being created in God’s image, i listen: “live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord” ephesians 5.8,9. before the Lord, i am a child of light. my true self is fully redeemed, fully recreated, fully new. like a clean garment fresh from the drier, warm and sweet and comforting, i slip on this new self. so i live out of this, too: i live as a child of light. i live like i have hope, i live like i am full of the joy of salvation. i live from the place of forgiveness and freedom- with all my sin exposed before the Lord, and all my wrongs bathed in the blood of Jesus, i live from this utter emptiness, this beautiful place of peace. i forgive, because i was forgiven. i overcome, because i have this unseen resurrection power to overcome. there is nothing to make up or construct as if telling myself what i want to hear will empower me to live right. i don’t have to read a self-help book on anxiety to make it through. i don’t have to convince myself to be motivated to love, or to be a better person, because it’s not about me. it’s about God’s unrelenting pursuit and passionate love for me and for all of his beloved people. in the light, there is nothing about me which will shame my God- nothing i have done or been in the past, nothing to fear about the future. i don’t have to pretend to be a righteous child of God, because i am one, made new!
so my prayer becomes the ancient psalmist’s prayer: “before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. you hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me… for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, i know that full well. my frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the secret place. when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” psalm 139
FRIENDS: he hems us in. he’s got our back. he goes before us. he loves us so completely. let us put on this new self with confidence, throwing the old self away, opening our eyes to the new day before us- we are fully capable, fully free. oh, Father in heaven, bless each one of us today with this bright flame, this unquenchable, indestructible hope.
